confessions of an emo-fuckshit

DISCLAIMER: I did not write this for EJG.

how do i love to hurt? let me count the ways..

although i have given up all hopes on love, i must say, i LOVE how it feels to be hurt.

to let tears cloud my eyes and let them fall freely. they are raindrops that washes away the bitterness. and like raindrops that leave water stains on wind shields, tears leave slithering trails on my face –trails that form an invisible mask of strength that people just don’t see in me.

how i love to hurt.. to feel this crushing pain inside my chest. to linger on a lump that neither a thousand glasses of water could flush out, nor a single slit on the throat could extract.

it must have been a joy to hurt. to feel the knife’s blade on my empty stomach, to slash my wrists and watch blood rush out.

i could have given my life to this love.. for my love to hurt.

*BLOG.i.just.have.to.much.to.give–that.it.hurts*jv

P.S.

to the EXs who could be reading this, don’t think that YOU made me suicidal– I just am. *witchy witchy laugh*

P.S. II

this is what happens to EMOs: you stab us with a fuckin’ knife, and we push it further inside. the Pain Theorem.

today, the twenty-first of january, i am twenty one.

i can’t seem to imagine that i have lived for the span of 21 years! tsk.. still, i do not know what it means to be alive.. neither do i know what life is..

i can’t help but think that perhaps, living is the experience of pain. i do not know.. all i know is that though i’ve hurt from time to time and i’ve cried (almost everytime), i haven’t felt living a LIFE.

hai.. it’s mah fuckin’ birthday and i ain’t happy.

*BLOG.twenty-one.pukes.for.the.birthday.girl*jv

P.S.

please don’t think you’re makin’ me sad.. you’re not. so you have no obligation to make me happy. besides, i ain’t gonna be happy with you. cruel noh? ahihi (*.*)V

"why won’t you smile..?" you said.

why won’t i?

could it be.. that i can’t?

i guess you should have asked me why the hell im still alive.. i could have answered you: "..coz you kept me hangin’ on.."

how could i smile? when i want to raise my middle finger and curse at the terrible circumstances between us?

you should have known.. you’re everything i’ve ever wanted.. but soon.. i guess i have to learn how to let you go..

how could i smile, erik? when thoughts of losing you lurk in my head? it pains me.. but i’ll wait.. i’ll beg.. i’ll hold on.. and i’ll love you til my heart gets ripped off of loving you..

i guess i know nothing but this: that you belong to me solely.. as i do belong to you, solely..

BLOG.i.fuckin’.love.you.so.much.that.it.hurts*jv